My mother always says, “You can live without Chaucer and you can live without calculus, but you cannot make it in the wide, wide world without common sense.” As we get older, we understand the importance of these words. Adulthood is nothing but a series of choices: you can say yes or no, but you cannot avoid saying one or the other. In the end, those who are successful are those who adjust and adapt to the decisions they have made and make the best of them.
“
| — | Grant Hill, Phoenix Suns |
I didn’t know Latin was this awesome/crude. (Catullus, 16)
“I will sodomize you and face-fuck you,
Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius.
You who think, because my verses
Are delicate, that I am immodest.
For it’s right for the devoted poet to be chaste
Himself, but it’s not necessary for his verses to be so;
Verses which then have taste and charm,
If they are delicate and sexy,
And can incite an itch,
And I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men,
Who can’t get their flaccid dicks up.
You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
You think I’m a sissy?
I will sodomize you and face-fuck you.”
So…
Editing your high school’s Wikipedia article to include yourself as a notable alumni (Title: Awesome Person - Class of 2007) does NOT work. In the words of the Planet Smashers, “Here come the mods! Look out, they’re coming for you!”
Fish Tacos
are fucking rad. Completely ragingly awesome. Huge victory for my stomach tonight on that one, and I’m pretty confident it’ll never growl again.
You might wanna return the condoms ‘cause no one’s gonna wanna have sex with YOUR broke ass.
“
| — | My brother, right in front of the really hot Shopper’s cashier after my debit card was declined for insufficient funds. Hahaha, BRUTAL. |
Perfection of character is this, to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretence.
“
| — | Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 AD (aka James Dean the First) |
Karma.
I’ve been thinking that there’s this girl I like that’s fucking with me, which I’m pretty sure is karma biting me in the ass for all my years of the same treatment towards her gender. This isn’t really important, I’ll figure it out as it comes. But it’s a nice little coincidence that while my day was spent pensively contemplating karma, I FUCKING WITNESSED IT IN ACTION.
As I was walking home from the gym earlier today, I stepped off a curb near my house and almost got hit by some punk ass 18 year old making a quick right turn, with his buddy in the passenger seat (who had a front-turned New Era hat, long Vedder-esque hair, and his septum pierced). I will now refer to them respectively as Driver and Douchetron. I was pissed off after they almost hit me, but kept walking home.
I leave my house, and begin skating to work. On the way, at the very spot where I was almost hit, what do I see? Driver got picked up by the 5-0 for something, and he’s sitting on the curb with his hands cuffed behind his back next to a cop and cruiser. Douchetron is on the opposite curb facing me. I skated by ever so slowly, smiling at them. This instantly made my day better.
Oh, hey Karma! What’s that? You’re awesome? DON’T I FUCKING KNOW IT! *high five!*
Best. July. 27th. 2010. Ever.
What the…
Someone tell me how a weigh-in pre- and post- workout produced a 6 pound difference? Yes, apparently I lost 6 pounds in one workout. What a crock of shit. I hate you, weight scale. I hope when Cyberdyne becomes self-aware, Arnold Schwarzenegger destroys YOU first.
I Can Lift You!
And so today, July 17th 2010, my brother and I invented yet ANOTHER awesomely stupid game. This one is called “I can lift you”. What is the object of this game, you (hopefully didn’t) ask?
Lift the other person!
-1 point for an unexpected lift from behind
-3 points for an unexpected lift from in front
-5 points for an expected lift, where you generally state you’re going to lift them and you do it
As of 5:45 p.m. I am in the lead with 5 points. James has 1 and Evan has 4. Win.
